This longing that I cannot control,
I cannot satisfy; I am not whole.
So void of energy, time and life-
and still it grows in this place
where there is no longer space to fill.
In its looming skies of gray,
and its ever-growing mass,
I no longer find traces of you.
Oh, how I wish I could
just a solitary sign of life-
a breath, a smile
an involuntary blink of the eye-
a piece of you still lodged in my heart.
Please don’t fade away,
I cannot force you, but I fear
I will not stay for I am weak
and growing ever weary,
scared of what comes from being alone,
where you left me almost years ago.
I am not supposed to fight you anymore
yet I fight you more than ever,
fight to keep you and to let you go-
with my heart to end this madness.
I fight with the gray that fades
my memories of you, and with time
for it brings strength and understanding
of all I wish I did not know.
I could smile and say goodbye for good-
I must lie to let you rest in peace
if I thought you would understand
that it’s not really letting go,
for you always hated to be alone…
I just can’t go with you anymore.