I wish that I felt nothing,
that a numbness would swell within these fingertips
and the caresses of skin would not quake my limbs
that my nerves would not advance in sequence
and dance such audacious beats- no,
I would rather them languid, hollow.
I would rather them stripped from me,
fabricated into a wall so great that nothing,
not anything could penetrate…
And it is true, I will not let you in.
It’s where I want, but not where I need to be
so I cannot; I will not let you in.