Things I Will Never Say

When I graduated from college in May 07 I had no definitive plans for my future but had a friend who’d just moved to San Diego- pacific beach about two blocks from the beach to be exact- and she needed a roommate. How convenient! I skrimped and saved every penny I earned and hoped that by the time that I planned to move I’d have enough to get me there, get me started and still have a cushion.
I had a job interview lined up with DivX a computer software and graphics company and planned to transfer my position with Starbucks to PB.
There was a significant chunk of change I was waiting on for graduation that wound up being withheld from me on purpose because my decision to leave was considered selfish and hasty. (at the time I thought I’d just thought wrong about what I would receive) I still pushed forward with my plans to leave, purchased a plane ticket and began packing the necessities.
A day or two before I was scheduled to leave, I had a talk that ended in tears and angry words… and my hesitance to stay out of spite but inability to leave out of fear. “The moment you walk out that door, my world ends” is the phrase that still reverberates in my ears. How could I leave after hearing that, really?
I then had to tell my roommate… one of my best friends… that I couldn’t afford to go; I had tried but it just was not going to work out. This news damaged our friendship severely.
Coincidentally, I wound up saving a significant sum of money when I bought my car that September because it was finally given to me as a surprise down payment. I was not informed of this action prior to my purchase until I started crying in the loans office. I thought that they were not granting me my full request… and that I’d have to give my car back.
Gee, what a “wonderful” surprise.


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