The Groans of Life Left in this Hull

From starboard to port I have searched for you
my lust wearing out these decks,
bones bearing through my flesh-
I know you are gone.

I have loved since, but I love you still.
I call this ship the Catastrophic Legacy
you have left behind what is left of me-
and of you, these memories I cannot flee
do not, should not want to be alone.
But I sail on these wayward waters I have sailed all along.

I break within this flesh, these bones they ache
like blistering cold, the wind it races
tearing through my clothes
and leaves my skin a bumpy mold
of all that you can never touch again-
of what I can never hold.

And then the sea she shatters these boards
held loosely grouped like young soldier’s wards
This vertigo is haunting me,
and I have nothing left but to walk the plank.
It gains much ground while I lose my feet.
Like my ignoble dive into the sea
the waves swallow the life you see
as you float on so bravely, so lifelessly
until all that washes over me is bitter jealousy.

Like the tingly feeling in my step
this eternally immobilized wreck,
intensified by the elements
is the stabbing pain from which I wake each toe
to regain a sense of self.
When at last I shake the last of sleep
from this aching soul, I still weep
for I, still here in this wreck, behold
that you are indeed still gone.


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