A fine place to restart

Lately my life seems laden with tragedy
full of loss, anxiety and the fear of eternal discontentment.
My dear friends, it has not always been so
There was a time once when my smile never faultered, my heart was never closed
Revelations of love, understanding and the aptitude for success flowed freely from these now coarsely pursed lips.
I danced and sang like a heathen and prayed like a saint among the righteous
with a hope so steadfast no reckless mind, no wasteful heart could break it.
Dutifully bound to a life of self assurance, a fair deal more faith than even I convinced myself I possessed I set off to define my role in the journey we call life.
With eyes for only rewards and rudimentary challenges, I broke free my restraints of naivety
And began to wander aimlessly through foreign streets filled with foreign faces
Until even my own was no longer recognizable to me-
and I ceceded to a life of misery, of darkness and selfish desires if only to protect what was left in remembrance of me.
Behind this shield of misconstrued being I have grown cold, numb
discouraged by the life I see-
By the life that drags me through,
Wanting the life I doubt I could ever lead.
I am tired of this wasted shell of me,
with this life passing through what fleshy shadow I am believed to be.
Tragedy might befall me but there is no energy left to suffer.
Only to push through this hazy frontier on the journey back home.
All I have left is a smile to wear.
Before this journey began, I would have sworn that it was the best foundation upon which to build.
Today, I would say that is progress


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