I am Selfish, I am Wrong

The reality, the truth
have slipped my heart
into a tightened noose
for my fear has always
been of love- to fall in.

But, in fear I slipped into
a cautious affection for you
then victimized, jeopardized
any chance to hold on to
something real and true.

But, you never left
so I gave it fairer trial-
to let my heart be open
to its new residence.
I gave love a chance.

Swallowed my worries,
gave trust free reign
and then my progress
was abruptly halted
as news of change came.

Now, once again
I am struck with fear,
confusion, anger
the desire to blame
anyone for this pain.

And sadly, you receive
the brunt of the blow.
It is undeserved, unjust
and my actions show
far less than I feel for you.

The statements made in anger
still echo in the hollows
of this sincerely regretful heart
as it aches, slowly breaks
from the fear of being apart.

As the window of opportunity
draws nearer to its close
the distance has already grown.
Pain swells, stings with contempt
feels like love already dissipated.

Breaths are harder to breathe,
reality is blinded, fogged by tears
it is impossible to see, to accept
an end to what began so quick
over fear of just being apart.


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