Happy Birthday to Me!!

Life threw me several curve balls upon returning home from vacation, so much so that vacation did not feel like much of a vacation at all. It actually had an adverse effect on my mental health.

But so it goes that life ends just as new life begins. Life hurts one day, but then it can be incredibly awesome the next. It’s all about perception. Getting slammed with bad news when I got home from PR, sent me spiraling back down dreadfully close to depression. My attitude towards everything and everyone just sucked. I admit it; I succumbed. I grew overwhelmed, stressed and angry. Anger is an exhausting state of mind though; I refuse to waste any more time or energy in such an emotional state.

Wondering how the decision to change came about? Last night I finally faced the Crossfit cave family…the ones who are really suffering most from the loss of Heather, our beloved friend and cheerleader. I worked out Tuesday night, pitifully, not because of the sorrowful atmosphere I anticipated (bc no one really showed up), but as a direct result of my week-long hiatus.

But, when I walked in last night and saw Heather’s boyfriend, some of her best friends and the reg crew that all worked out together, it hit me. I stood there awkwardly and unprepared, wondering if I should ask how they are, do I even bring it up or is that rude?

Everyone, though a little quieter, carried on like nothing had changed. They smiled as they welcomed me back, carried on like it was just another day. People that I thought should still be crying their eyes out were yelling words of encouragement, pushing the class to finish strong and never once showing an ounce of pain or sadness.

They weren’t showing strength because they were saving face at the gym. They were being strong for each other, to get through- because in times of loss and sorrow, that’s what you do. You pull together, lean on each other and persevere. Their strength challenged me to push myself harder than I ever have.

Riding on the momentum of their encouragement, and feeling supremely motivated by their show of strength/resilience, I RX’d on a WOD for my first time EVER! I started Crossfit back in December, and I never felt behind the curve, but I wanted this RX so bad! For me, it felt like I dominated a mountain. I triumphed! I succeeded at something new and it felt INCREDIBLE!

It was the best early birthday present I could ever give myself! Here’s to the first…of many!


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